all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
