peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
