we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
