he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
