No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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