Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
