I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
