everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
