so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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