Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
