haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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