Kiss
Puke
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
