I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
