whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
