i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
