I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize