Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
