Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
