I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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