yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
