Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
