i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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