she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize