YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
