I am puke
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
