i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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