i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
