Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
