after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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