I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
