after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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