Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
