after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
