cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
