If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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