Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
