What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
