This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
