hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
