dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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