I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
