I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
