tonight lets celebrate not being married
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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