people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
