Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
