it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We need to get me chipped asap
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
