Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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