Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
