so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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