Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
