I just gift wrapped bread.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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