there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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