Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
