I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
