hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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