do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
