the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
