I wanna passion pit in your ass
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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