1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
grandma shit on top of the toilet
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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