he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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