I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
