I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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