I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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