I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
