that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
