you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
