how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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