i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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