i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
