Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
