Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
