I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
