bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
