I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
