we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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