So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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