This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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