i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
