You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
