went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
