I just cut my nipple shaving
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
