Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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