She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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