I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
