So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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