Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
