2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
