i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
