yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
