maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
