it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Congratulations! We have a period
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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