i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this will be a night to untag.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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