i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize