Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
