Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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